A Year in a Life....

Jais and Mathis have been home for
54 days...

And every now and then, I look at Jais and realize that he is really, really here.  Sometimes I can't believe this has all really happened.

 

 

 

I mean, a year ago, "Wesley" had just jumped off of the Reece's Rainbow website at me....

 

 

 

 And now, he is in my arms every day....

 

From thousands and thousands of miles away.....

 

 

 

This is AMAZING.

 

Sometimes, I look at Mathis and I immediately flash back to the morning when I was standing in the kitchen with Jim and I asked if any of the kids from the pile of printed sheets of faces and medical descriptions that I gave him the day before, jumped out at him. 

He said "Julian"....

 

 

 

The names Wesley and Julian seem so foreign to me now. The entire process, the fundraising, the paperwork, the travel, the unknowns are all in the past.....

 

And here we are....

 

And here we are....

 

 

Together.....Immersed in the moments, finding our way and moving into the rhythm of our lives and family......

 

The gentle hum of love, togetherness and security

 

(OK...Maybe it's a loud roar....But you know what I mean...LOL)

 

Our boys....

 

Our precious, innocent boys, are alive and well....

 

 

 

And indeed thriving. 

 

 

 

Our family has experienced an extraordinary year. 

 

Extraordinary. 

 

(Seeing the boys for the first time)

 

 

I am so, so blessed to have traveled this journey. 

 

I am stronger, wiser, more confident and more humbled because of it.....

 

Life is more important, more enriched and more complete because of it.

 

 

 

It seems unbelievable and so believable all at the same time....

 

The tears are spilling down my face as I type this....

 

This has happened....

 

 

 

 

We are ALL OK. 

 

I want to breathe a huge sigh of relief....

 

I want to sob uncontrollably for a

very

long, long time. 

 

I want to completely drain my body of all of the fear, anticipation, worry, anxiety, exhaustion and unknowns that have been intertwined in our every waking (and sometime non-waking) hours.....

 

 

 

Our boys are HOME!!!

 

 

 

They held on...

They survived...

They waited and waited for us to step out in faith and follow our hearts...

 

We are a family!!!

 

Our boys are here with us every day!!!

 

The past is over.....

 

 

 

But never forgotten.
 

 

This is surreal.

 

This is so real.

 

We are together...We are ALL safe...

 

We have the future to look forward to.....

 

 

If someone is out there reading this and looking for a sign to move ahead and adopt.....

 

 

THIS.IS.YOUR.SIGN...

 

Do it.

 

There is truly NOTHING else in the world that you can do that will impact your life, your family and the lives of the child or children that you adopt in such a profound way.

 

This is your sign....

 

7 1/2 months ago,  I was wondering if we should be the ones to adopt.....

 

Here we are.....

 

I would NOT TRADE this for anything.

 

Adoption....

 

Making a difference....One life at a time.

 

 

 

Inspiration.....

 

 

 

On the days when people shake their heads and whisper...

 

You can't save everyone, why are you trying?"

 

I want my kids to look them in the eye and whisper back

 

 "Why not???"

 

There are many people that inspire me.....

 

And just when I start feeling a little complacent.....A little tired of the silliness of first world problems....And a little annoyed about self absorbed folks that seem to be everywhere....

 

I remember the stories of so many that work diligently to make a difference....

 

Those who are committed to helping with real world problems....

 

And those who aren't self absorbed in their own self importance...

 

My inspiration comes from many places....

Here are some from the international adoption world that I hope will leave you feeling inspired.

 

 

 

 

www.thestitchthatmakesthesweaterperfect.com

 

 

 

 

http://wronginalltherightways-travcat.blogspot.com/

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.headoptedusfirst.blogspot.com/

 

 

 

 

 

http://smilesandtrials.blogspot.com/

 

 

 

 

http://lifeofthemomofmany.blogspot.com/

Amanda and her husband, Brent, adopted 5 kids last summer from an orphanage in Eastern Europe in which the children had all endured years of neglect and starvation....The Unroes are on their way back to bring home 3 more children from the same place... Matthew is 9 years old and weighs 18 pounds (not a typo).  He has a brain injury caused by domestic violence as well as many other needs. Charity, 3 years old, has autism and Carson, 6 years old, has hydrocephalus and a shunt (just like our Jais).

 

Saturday Fun...

The day started out with a little rollerblading action!! Oh Yeah!!!
 

 

And was followed by a stunning fashion statement by

Mathis :-)

 

 

 

 

 

And.....Yippee!!

Somebody special turns seven years old this weekend!!

 

 

 

 

Then Momma said, "Jim, we should put up the trampoline today!!" 

(And she said it out loud...HeeHee)

 

 

 

 

Luckily, everyone was on board with the idea.... :-)

 

 

 

 

 

In case you were wondering....

 

Building a trampoline can take a little while.... but we managed to keep ourselves entertained :-)

 

 

 

 

 

 "Liam?"

(Insert gasp here...)

 

 

 

 

Torre & Matte-Hard at work...LOL...

 

 

 

 

 

Peeking through the branches...(So sweet)

 

 

 

 

Hey, has anyone seen the last

tube???? LOL

 

 

 

 

Jais and his Momma :-)

(Who shared the best front row seat EVER!!!)

 

 

 

 

We finished off the day with some tasty 

ice cream

and some serious trampoline jumping!!

 

 

Happy Weekend to you!!!

The Morning After...

....So I got some sleep last night and I'm feeling much better.....

Not so cranky....

Ready to take on the day. 

 

Friends....Repeat after me....
 

"Sleep is not optional...Sleep is not optional...Sleep is not optional..."

 

The weather has been beautiful this week and we have LOTS to do before the kids get out of school for summer......

• Set up the trampoline and basketball hoop that Santa surprised our family with at Christmas.

• Open the pool...It's an older above ground pool, and it takes some time, duck tape and tender loving care to open and get ready for swimming...

• Mow the lawn eventually...LOL

• Plant a garden..(Hahaha...Gasp...Hahaha....)

• Pack away the winter  coats, snow pants, boots etc etc...(I did buy ahead what I could for next year when everything went on clearance).....Right now, said clothing and winter accessories are piled up on one half of my business office....Do you ever wonder why I never post photos of the second floor of our house...LOL....If anyone has any ideas to share for storing next year's stuff until the season starts, I'm all ears. 

• It's time to go through the toys and clothes again to see what we can either give away or sell to the resale shop...We purge regularly...And we are big fans of resale.

• Stock up on summer clothes....I went through what we have and what's left to get for each kiddo....We shop resale as much as we can....Cannot stand paying full price...And who would want to???

• Put together some sort of summer schedule for activities....We did not sign the kids up for anything special this summer and we will not be going on any big vacations....We thought we would just settle in and keep our home base.  Not sure how Jais & Mathis would feel about vacationing.  It might be pretty scary and unsettling.....And that doesn't sound like fun for any of us!!  I have some fun field trips in  mind...And this year we have the pool, the trampoline, the basketball hoop and two more kids....

• It's ALL good :-)

*****************************

Photo and video proof that the kids do just fine, even when Mommy is out of sorts...LOL

Cutie Petutie, Riordan, on the
train ride at the zoo :-)

 

Double kid car meltdown....
(Hey...We've all been there!!)

 

 

 Love, love, love this photo of my sweeties....

Torren, Jais & Killian :-)

 

(Top to bottom)...
Sean, Riordan, Killian, Mathis, Jais, Torren, Emerson & Liam
***
The Kiernan Octuplets!!

 

 

 I love it when kids fall asleep in the car... :-)

 

 

Totally in sync....Isn't this hilarious??

Now if we can only get all eight to simultaneously fall asleep....

LOL

True Confessions...

• I am exhausted....Seriously bone tired.

• I am cranky...And I can hear myself whining, but I can't stop.

• I am really thankful that I am alone in the peace and quiet and Jim has ALL of the kids.

• I have sucked down a pot of coffee in the last two hours....Ugh.

• I hate that I've done this.

• I ate four Eggo waffles with real butter gobbed in every square and lots of syrup.

• I shoveled the food in so quickly, that I don't remember tasting it.

• I hate that I've done this too.

• I do not want to work today....Or any more.

• I would like to read an entire book....Maybe even while taking a hot bubble bath.

• I never want to be responsible for making dinner for anyone EVER again.

• I don't think I ever want to make breakfast again either.

• I'm OK with lunch...LOL...

• I HATE grocery shopping and folding laundry.

• My house is a disaster and I don't know where to begin.

• I have lists and lists of things to do.

• EVERYDAY.

• Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if we didn't bring Jais & Mathis home.

• All the time I think about what their life would have been like.

• I wonder if Jim and I really are crazy.

• I wonder if the family members that have not spoken to us since we announced that we were adopting the boys, read this blog.

• I wonder if they will ever speak to us again.

• I wonder if we even want them to.

• I want to be the type of person who makes and drinks green smoothies and who likes them.

• I want to work out everyday.

• I want to jog (maybe).

• I want Jais to walk.

• I want to sleep through the night...I miss sleep.

• Most of the time this doesn't matter to me, but right now I want a really pretty house with nice things and a manicured lawn.

• I want to fit into clothing that is about 6 sizes smaller than me.

• I want my hair to look cool and stylish....Instead of....Well, the way it looks...LOL...

• I want to enjoy every minute with my children...Really every minute.

• I want to get over myself and be a better person.

• I want to know that this time with the boys will get better...Soon.....Because it's really hard sometimes.

• I want to be witty and smart.

• I want to freeze the world and catch up on everything.

• I want to be stinking rich.

• I want my Mom to be alive.

• I want an organic garden in my backyard.

• I want a gardener who takes care of it.

• I want a van big enough for all of us, with enough distance between the seats so the kids can't touch, hit or kick each other....

• And a wheelchair lift.

• I want a never ending supply of margaritas.

• I want the world to be a much better place...Where there is no suffering, people respect each other and we all really get along.

• I want my older kids to understand.

• I want to be closer to nature.

• I want to eat as much as I want and never gain weight or have it jeopardize my health.

• I want to live long enough for all of my children to reach adulthood.

• I want my husband to cherish me forever.

• I want my kids to look up to me.

• I NEVER want another dog.

• I want discrimination to stop.

• I want everyone to know that our insurance company, WPS, said they would cover our new sons on our policy, and raised our monthly payment from $700/month to $6,600/month to do so.

• I want to say that we could adopt 10 more kids....And mean it.

• I want people everywhere to care more about orphans than a new TV, furniture set, vacation or car.

• I want to not know what I know.

• I want to make a bigger difference.

• I want to help families adopt children in need and help birth parents to raise their children if they wanted to.

• I want to look back at the end of my life and know that I wouldn't change a thing.

November 2012

Last Monday, I posted here about how the orphanage director in Ukraine told Jim that Jais's paperwork to be transferred to the adult mental institute was filled out and ready to go in time for his 7th birthday in November.

(Happy Birthday Jais....)
 

 

The director held off because they were told that a family was coming for Jais....

 

 This NBC report gives you an idea of where the "special needs" children in Eastern Europe get transferred to once they make it to 4-7 years old and have survived in the orphanage....

 Although Mathis does not have epilepsy, (which was incorrectly diagnosed in country and landed him in the special needs orphanage to begin with)....

He has now been diagnosed with "failure to thrive" which is mentioned in the video.
 

 

This report spotlights Serbia.....About 600 miles from Ukraine.....

 

Unfortunately, many Reece's Rainbow parents who have rescued their little ones from the special needs orphanages and mental institutions in Ukraine, confirm that the distance between the two places doesn't make much of a difference in the conditions of the orphanages and mental institutes....

Orphans (especially orphans with extra needs) continue to be "somebody else's" problem...

 

Please do not turn away....

These are helpless, suffering children....

They deserve to be seen, heard and saved....

 

 

 

Please help to spread the word

OR

Please donate to Reece's Rainbow families working hard to adopt these children
www.reecesrainbow.org

OR

Please volunteer to spend time in these places to make a difference

OR
 
Please consider adoption


We,
as human beings,
can do better than this.....

We MUST be the difference.



                                Danee

 

 

Peace

 

 

Happy Mother's Day Every Day....

 

 

 

 

 

More Logistics and Other Things...

How is Jais sleeping lately?

We think we have found a good rhythm with Jais's sleeping.  Our pediatrician shared some info that we found very useful in moving forward.  Since Jais was most likely sedated in the orphanage to sleep, his body (central nervous system) needs to get used to not having sedatives to calm him into sleep mode.  This will take some time. And in the meantime, he needs to get some sleep.

We have used melatonin (a natural sleep aid) for the kids at times to help them fall asleep....But when we used it for Jais at bedtime it had little impact....Our doctor told us that kids with neurological issues require higher doses to get them into a deep slumber...So he recommended a higher dose than we were giving.

The next thing we realized, was that Jais can fall asleep OK....(With one of us in his room next to his bed)....But that he wakes up between 2-4am wide awake...And generally stays awake the rest of the day. 

So we have started letting him fall asleep without any melatonin and then giving him a dose in the middle of the night when he wakes up. I also lay with him until he falls back asleep at that time.  This has been working well so far, so we will see......There have also been a couple of nights lately that Jais has slept through the night without any melatonin and woke up at 5:30 or 6am which is fine....So maybe we will see the sleeping through the night trend continue as he adjusts.

We do not try to get Jais to take a nap during the day...Since he goes back to sleep now when he wakes up, he just doesn't need a nap.


How have you been getting grocery shopping done?

After Jim dropped off Sean, Liam, Riordan, Killian and Torren at school today, he took Jais, Mathis and Emerson to the grocery store to do a bit of shopping...

I asked Jim how he managed the kids at the store....Inquiring minds want to know....Especially me!!

So Jim said he used two carts....He pushed one in front of him and pulled one behind...Mathis sat in one seat of one cart and Emerson sat in the other cart seat.  Jais sat in the big part of Emme's cart.  The groceries went into the cart with Matte. 

Jim pushed and pulled the carts through the store...They played train for awhile.....Then trolley car!!  When kids got bored, Jim kept them busy with stories and train sounds!!!  What an amazing guy!!!  :-)

After paying for everything, Jim got the carts, kids and groceries out to the van and unpacked everything....Kids go into the car seats first (usually with a snack to keep them busy)....And then Jim unpacked the bags into the van...Thanks goodness Emme fell asleep in the van on the way home, so Jim got the boys into the house and then unpacked the groceries....Then he brought Emme in.  The other thing we do is run in for quick items on the weekend or before we pick up the kids at school.....We will have to get back to big, big grocery shopping again to stay in budget though....So we will need to come up with a plan for that soon :-)

What about Clothes/Laundry?

We have struggled with the clothes thing since the boys have come home....I think it's because of the season change and the fact that we have so  many kids, so close in size.....There is a constant demand for clothes and a constant supply of dirty clothes, unfolded clean clothes, folded clean clothes (but not put away yet) and then the clothes that have been folded and put away ......Sigh.....Also, currently we have kids in just about every size....2T, 3T, 4T, 5, 6x, 7 & 8/10....

This is compounded by the fact that each morning (or night before) we are "finding" 8 pairs of pants, 8 shirts, 8 pair of underwear (in multiple sizes...LOL), 16 socks (forget matching at this point) and 16 shoes (these sort of have to match!!! LOL) ....8 jackets....And at bedtime 8 pairs of jammies.....AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

We have been trying to come up with a solution to our clothes crisis.....Both making sure we have enough clothes as well as how to wash, sort, fold, put away and retrieval of said clothing when needed......

I was making a list for summer clothes shopping, but then some friends from school offered some clothes that their kids have outgrown.....This has been wonderful!!!  After I go through everything, I will see what we still need....We have summer clothes in some sizes for this season packed away, and hope to get to them someday soon....

In doing the math.....If each kid has 5 outfits total (tops and bottoms).....That is 8x5....So 40 tops and pants/shorts that we need to have on hand....Right??  And in our house, each kid could easily go through 2-3 outfits each day, with spills, accidents, rips, mud,  etc etc.....

It would be great to have like 7-8 shorts & tops in each size, but that is a scary number and I can't get my brain around that yet...So we shall see.....

Jim came up with a great idea for a clothing room the other day and we worked on it this past weekend......We have all of the kid clothes in one room....In bins per name.....So kids can pick out their clothes or jammies.....

And can also put all dirty clothes in the hampers in the same room.....We can fold the clean laundry and put it right into the bins.....

We should then (in theory), be able to have dirty, clean, folded, unfolded and put away clothing all in one room!!! 

The room that we are using for this is (gasp)....the dining room on the main floor....I can hear the collective shudder out there, but it's true...and we have never actually used our dining room to dine in EVER...Way too far from the kitchen and its carpeted...LOL...

This room also doubles as the mudroom because we don't have a real one!!

Wish us luck...LOL....I'll let you know how it goes....



How do you organize toys and books?

We love to read to the kids and have tons of books......Usually scattered around the house....I've seen lots of cool pictures of what people do for kid books in their house, and none have really quite worked for us.....We either have too many books, too many kids, too little space or not enough energy or sanity to put our books away in alphabetical or size or topic order every time we use them...LOL...

Our solution was to buy two 6 space shelving units (we got ours from Target).....But any would do.....And then buy bins to fit into the openings....There are a lot of pretty options for bins...cloth, wicker etc etc.....But I'm frugal, so I went with the cheapest bins I could find.....Dish washing plastic tubs for like $1.99 at Walmart...

Getting Organized

These tubs can hold lots of books and can easily be cleaned.....We do not alphabetize or color code or organize in any way......Our goal is simple......If the books are in a bin instead of laying around the house, we feel victorious!!! 

Our bookshelves/bins are communal. so we don't separate the older kids' chapter books from the little kids' picture books.....If it's a book....Or coloring book.....Or activity book.....Or anything that remotely could be described as a book, it goes in the "library".....

Finished library-Extra bonus....

Jais and smaller kids have full access to all of our books... :-)

We've had this system for about a year now, and I can say it has worked better than anything else we have tried over the past 25 years.....We won't win any decorating awards, but keeping our books in the living room makes them readily available and easier to pick out books a couple times a day and sit down and read & relax together....

Toys are definitely a challenge too.....Lots of toys, lots of kids, limited space.....We decided to use half of the basement for a play area. 

It's not HGTV, but it meets the requirements for a fun space....And it is cooler downstairs in the spring and summer, so that's a bonus. 

We try to keep the toys in the play area the best that we can....


We are not clean freaks...Any of our kids can confirm this...Hahaha Gasp Hahaha...

Taken just prior to Jais & Mathis coming home... :-)

 

But we do need to be able to walk around on the first floor (living room, entry way and kitchen)....And Jais needs to be able to cruise in his wheelchair when he wants to.

The kids have some of their favorite toys in their bedrooms ie: legos, dolls, plastic animals, cuddle babies etc........We would love for the toys to be in one area and the house to stay clean, but we also recognize that we need to choose our battles....We feel that the kids should be able to hang out in  their rooms and play on their own if they want (in peace and quiet).....Or with just a few siblings (and not have to be with everyone all of the time).....So we are letting this be for a while.....

How are mealtimes coming along?

Breakfast:

The first meal of the day can be challenging....Jim and I are pretty tired and there is usually at least one kiddo that is tired along with us and crying, having a tantrum or something....

We have been working towards a healthier diet and making things from scratch, but that's been tossed to the wayside for now, because we are kind of operating in crisis operation mode until we get a handle on things...LOL

The kids came up with a nifty easy to remember morning menu which has worked well for the last few weeks and takes minimal brain power to accomplish at 6:30am......

Oatmeal Mondays (instant)
Toasted Tuesdays (bread, english muffins or bagels)
Waffle Wednesdays
Par-thay (Parfait...LOL) Thursdays :-) (yogurt, fruit and granola)
French Toast Sticks Fridays
Scrambled Eggs Saturdays
Pancake Sundays (homemade)

It's nice to not have to think too much when bouncing stumbling into the kitchen with 8 hungry children hanging on me and requesting whining for breakfast!!

Dinnertime Update:

We are still tweaking dinnertime logistics....It's a crazy time...Kids are hungry, food is being prepared and served....Lots of little hands trying to help/sneak bites/pour milk/grab their plates/open the fridge etc etc....

Our new idea is to have the dinner prep parent prepare the food and fill the plates and cups for the kids (on the counter) BEFORE anyone comes to the table.....Once the kids find a spot at the table and are seated (we do not have assigned seats yet because people still want to sit by Jais and Mathis, so we take turns...), we say a quick prayer and then Jim and I hand out the plates to the kids and they can start eating immediately....

We used to have the plates and cups on the table before we gathered and picked spots etc....It was hard to get kiddos to refrain from eating/drinking/spilling before we had everyone sitting and before a prayer had been said....

So far this has been working better....

Five of the kids can also clean off their own space after dinner....We are still helping Emme, Matte & Jais...

When do you work?

I work??? LOL.....

Jim and I do work and have taken years to diligently design a home and lifestyle that provides career and family balance (as much as one can with kids). 
 We work hard to preserve this delicate balance....

I can also honestly say that we don't feel that we would be enjoying our life as much as we do, if both of us worked full time outside the home.  We have done this in the past, and it was very difficult to have any balance with career and family time with so many kids.

A few years ago, Jim and I started a small recruiting business.  Our office is at home and we divide the responsibilities.  Jim does the operational/background side of things like accounting, legal and equipment.  I do the day to day client work, phone calls and recruiting.  I work during regular business hours, but I'm home, so I can help out with doctor appointments or getting kids packed up and ready for school.  Jim does a lot of his work intermittently throughout the day when he can or at night after the kids go to bed.  Combined we work about 40-50 hours/week.  We understand what a blessing it is to have this business and opportunity to both be available and hands on with our kids....

How do you and Jim find time to spend together?

This used to be easier before the boys came home.....

Our five kiddos ages 4-9 were in school full time and Emme went to day care a couple half days/week.  So Jim and I had time to enjoy cups of coffee after school drop off or go to lunch or just take off of work and hang out....In the past, we also would go out on dinner dates every now and then and our older kids would watch the little kids

Nowadays, we have Jais and Mathis home full time.....We have also been running around with hospitalizations (two for Jais) and medical appointments....ie: spina bifida, orthopedic, pediatric, neurology, genetics, urology, physical therapy, occupational therapy, ear, nose and throat, school assessments and evaluations... 

Since Jais and Mathis came home, we have focused our efforts on helping all of our kids (and us) acclimate to our new normal.....

We anticipate both boys being full time in school this fall and Emme in school full time by January, so Jim and I will be back to having a more flexible schedule for running the business, coffee breaks and lunch dates...

In the meantime, Jim and I fold laundry together, clean the kitchen, watch TV or exchange smiles across the room while trying to maintain some sort of sanity in the midst of our happy (and sometimes, unhappy) chaos....

There is no one else in the world that I can imagine living this life with.